“Okay… okay,” I whispered towards my half open apartment door, my hand resting on the doorknob, “Keys, phone, purse...bags for the groceries are in the trunk. The list...the list- the list in my pocke. Masks? I have the masks in the car too...okay! Okay, I think we’re ready to-”
“Hand sanitizer?” Mikey asked in a sullen voice, his shoulder pressed against the door frame, “The store always runs out.”
“Huh,” I murmured, glancing up towards the ceiling as I stroked my beardless chin, envoaking a very bad British accent “Quite. That is a very good point, young man, a very good point indeed. But, you’ve forgotten one, very important thing-”
“Please stop-”
“-because I’m, like, the best Mom in the world – I knew that already. Got some in the glove compartment. Let’s go-”
“Just… don’t make me go into the store this time.”
It’d been a long and hard year. At the start, it was easy to try and tame Mikey’s concern – that this was just a super-charged flu. If everyone stuck to the rules for a couple weeks and stayed inside, then it’d all be okay. We’d be able to get back to our normal lives.
And then the schools had been closed for months and the news was filled with warnings for us to stay indoors and away from each other as much as possible. It got harder and harder to convince a 9 year old that everything was going to be okay, especially when others couldn’t follow simple rules, regardless of the consequences.
I knelt down, taking my anxiety ridden son’s hands into mine. It was so hard to look into his big, brown, wet eyes.
“Sweetheart… I-I can’t leave you in the car alone. It’s too cold out-”
“Please, Mom. Please. You can even leave the heating on.”
“Honey-”
“Please. People don’t even wear their masks right. Remember that lady who didn’t even cover her nose?”
“I-I know, honey. That was stupid of her, but-”
“Mikey? You know, I thought that was your voice out here.”
My shoulders sagged at the sound of that familiar soft, silky Irish lilt. It was like climbing into a warm, steamy bubble bath filled with the creamiest bath milks-
I shook the thought away of my neighbour, running the tips of his fingers through the swirling waters.
We moved into the apartment block just over a year ago. It took us a while to find a seller for our house. Mikey was as reluctant as I was to let go of the house as I was. It was his home for his whole life, as much as it was mine for the last 10 years. It was filled to the brim with memories… it was hard to give that away to someone else. But my salary couldn’t stretch to cover the mortgage and all our bills, and it was often a fight between getting Mikey to school on time or me trying to butter up my boss with bagels for being late once again. There was only so much money available in the bagel budget.
“Hey, Liam!”
“Hey there, Wee-man. Everything alright out here then, Cassie?” Liam asked, leaning against his door frame, his hair flecked arms crossing over his chest.
Standing up straight, I closed my eyes at the slight creak in my knees. Of course, that had to happen right now, “Someone’s feeling a bit too cool to hang around in Walmart,” I responded, trying to help Mikey save face.
“Well, I suppose that’s fair ’nough… I reckon you might need someone to make sure he’s not gonna throw any parties when you’re out, though. Been a while since you’ve came over and tickled the ivories, Mikey-boy. You ready for another lesson?”
Mikey nodded quickly, his head turning to me with a new kind of pleading in his eyes.
Since the move, it turned out that we didn’t have to worry about making it to work and school on time. In fact, for the first two months of lockdown we made a game out of trying to beat the ‘World Record’ for getting ready. Including having a shower and having breakfast, we had managed to get our morning routines down to 28 minutes, 49 seconds. Mikey tried to make the case that it would be 23 minutes if I didn’t take so long in the shower in the mornings.
The atmosphere around the apartment building changed completely as well. Before the lockdown, people tended to avoid each other, barely even greeting one another in the elevator. Now, everyone’s attempts at banana bread was being exchanged, and Mrs Lyncold had passed on tips for making sourdough to us all. Everyone was chipping in in our own way. Someone had started a toilet paper amnesty when things got really bad – and not one soul took advantage of it.
As for Liam? He admitted to not being a talented chef and his baking was apparently worse. Instead, he offered to let people play his piano every once in a while if they were feeling healthy and needed some company. It was an offer that Mikey liked to take up every once in a while, wanting to spend sometime with someone who wasn’t me or through a screen.
“Are you sure that’s okay? I might be an hour or so-”
“You take your time. I think Mikey could do with a longer lesson today, right Mike?”
He nodded diligently, moving to stand beside Liam before I could change my mind.
“Okay… okay. Thank you so, so much, Liam. I owe you one.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just take your time. We’ll see you in a bit. C’mon, Wee-man. Not a moment to spare.”
I had barely walked halfway down the corridor before I heard Mikey ask, “We’re gonna play some Fortnite, right?”
“Of course. I look stupid trying to do the dances by myself.”
I honestly couldn’t wait to get out from that damn grocery store. Having to listen to people argue with members of staff about how everyone who wore a mask were just ‘Sheeple’ felt ironic when you saw their basket was filled with love heart shaped candies. It felt like as soon as it turned January, it was out with the Christmas trees and fake snow cans and in with the red hearts and pink candies. Heading down the shampoo and conditioner aisle was almost treacherous, especially when the drugs aisle was opposite. Younger couples could be found, arms around each other’s waists as they looked at the lube and condoms. That was, until someone walked down the aisle and all of a sudden they were desperately interested in anti-fungal foot creams.
It was honestly sickening.
Denny and I never really bothered about Valentine’s day. Right around when our first Valentine’s Day appeared in our relationship, we both decided to spend the day blocking out anything Valentine’s day related. We didn’t need the commercialism of love-heart cuddling teddies or roses to prove to each other that we were in love. We started the tradition of wearing our grubbiest underwear and watching as many as movies in the Bourne series and make a list of three of our pet peeves that we would attempt to work on. We’d eat the greasiest, fattiest foods known to man throughout the whole day and would slump into bed to enter into a food coma, simply too full to consider doing anything else.
Denny broke that tradition three years ago, though. It was hard to fault him for it. He was hardly eating by that point, finding himself too exhausted and too nauseous. The chemo had whisked away any semblance of health that he had before. Cuddled up together in bed in the morning, he had Mikey appear with a box of chocolates, a rose and a teddy bear.
Had to give you at least one proper Valentines.
I know that Mikey still sometimes takes the bear from my room at night to hug into it.
It’d been two years, six months and 14 days since Denny died. It both feels like it was so, so long ago, but also like I had just lost him. I missed his whispers in the morning, as he coaxed me to waking up, missed the feeling of his fingers crawling along my spine.
But lately…
Lately I’ve been guilty of letting my mind wander to Liam. Every thought felt like a betrayal to Denny, no matter how much Denny’s sister had asked me how I was getting on, even going to the extent of paying for a some kind of subscription to one dating site or another. She said that besides me, she knew her brother best, and she knew her brother would want me to move on.
It had taken me about two hours to get everything I needed and get back home. After hearing the tinkling on the piano as I passed Liam’s front door, I decided to take the added luxury of being able to put the groceries away without Mikey trying to eat half of the food before it reached its final destination.
I had barely moved my hand away from the doorbell to Liam’s apartment before I heard Mikey’s feet scramble towards the door and yank it open, “You’re back!”
“Woah...that’s...the most excited you’ve been to see me for a while-”
“He has somethin’ to show you,” Liam explained, a twinkle in his eye as Mikey dragged me into the livingroom, forcing me to stand directly behind the piano bench.
I perched myself on the back of Liam’s leather couch, watching the boys as their hands hovered over the keys.
“Three...two..”
It was slower than usual, slightly plinking, but the boys pressed gentle keys
“Oh! That...is...a…”
“We were gonna try and make dinner but eh-”
“Liam burned the onions for the sauce.”
“D’ya have to tell her everythin’ mate?”